Passover for a Reform Jew (adapted from a 4/3/05 article)
Passover for a Reform Jew
In many ways, the observance of Passover helps to define the “Jewishness” of a Jewish home. The preparations and participation in Passover rituals help to make the home a sacred sanctuary, and place a family on Jewish time within the sacred Jewish year. Passover observance begins for adolescents when they leave their parents’ home. Some wish to continue the traditions of their family. Others seek to start new, more observant traditions, more consistent with their Jewish education. While there are, undoubtedly, many who make conscious (and sometimes, unconscious) choices to forego the observance of Passover, because of the inconvenience on a college campus, or as one starts out in life, we hope they do not become the majority. Prior to children, many Jewish young adults return home for Passover observance. The same may also be true for young marrieds and young families for whom the costs and customs seem overwhelming.
I am often asked to prioritize what a Reform Jew should and shouldn’t do on Passover. While we do believe in the autonomy of the individual, failure to have a personal Passover observance falls in the category of assimilated Jew, or non-observant Jew. To be a Reform Jew necessitates a meaningful Passover observance, just as it requires High Holy Day and Chanukah observance at the bare minimum, let alone Shabbat, home and synagogue observance and affiliation.
We celebrate seven days of Passover beginning at sundown of the first seder night. This year, the first seder is Monday night. We end Passover at sundown the following Monday at sundown. In the home, Passover often begins right after Purim as a family stops buying chometz and stocking up on non-kosher for Passover items. Even if you don’t keep kosher during the year, a growing number of Reform Jews keep kosher for Passover. It begins with the systematic cleaning of the kitchen and the home after Purim. Passover is the time for spring cleaning the crumbs out of the silverware drawer, the backpacks, cars, and ridding our lives of the other crumb/chometz clutter of life.
For the College Student:
When you visit colleges in the spring, ask about the Jewish life and what is done for Passover. This will give you a good idea as to whether the school is a good fit for you. Will there be matzah? Seders? Kosher for Passover dining? Are there other Jews, like yourself, who care about such things? When you are already at college, it is easiest if there are real Passover options for dining. If not, the recommendations and priorities below can help in making choices. At the minimum, attend a seder, give up bread and pizza and beer (and pork, shellfish for sure!) for the seven days!!!
For the Jewish Home – Priorities for Passover Observance as a Reform Jew:
1) Attend a real Seder (it is not just a family dinner… a haggadah service should be present for it to feel like Passover…even with young children you can find haggadahs and read books with them about Passover) or better yet, Make your own seder.
2) Stop eating and buying bread. Switch to matzah or live without.
3) Don’t eat out or bring in. For seven days, go back to basics and avoid environments where bread is present. Taking the burger off the bun, isn’t the Jewish ideal. Skipping lunch at the burger joint is really better.
4) Don’t enter a bagel bakery. There is something called Marit Ayin (or as my bubby used to say, “Morris Ayin” – I thought he was a distant relative!) This says that we are reflection of our values, our community, our faith, and our affiliation. Being seen in a bakery during Passover, even if you only went to the bathroom, says to the observer that Jews, TBS members, your family doesn’t care about Passover. Our goal is for everyone to care.
5) Completely clean your home of chometz. (You can lock up that which you do not give or throw away or tape up a cabinet in your kitchen, and put your leftover perishables in a drawer of your refrigerator.)
6) No school lunches or office lunches in the cafeteria or local deli. For the week bring a kosher for Passover lunch from home.
7) Give up all bread and grain products: cereals, pasta, pizza, beer and alcohol.
8) Budget and plan for the purchase of kosher for Passover foods. Make the effort and decision to do this with the concept of Hidur Mitzvah (doing the MOST in fulfillment of a mitzvah) that you can do.
9) Many of us, who are Ashkenazic Jews (descendents of Eastern European rather than Spanish or North African Jews) give up Kitniyot: corn, peas, beans, rice, as well as corn syrup (ketchup), sodas with corn syrup etc. I have written a response permitting vegetarians of our congregation to eat beans and rice during Passover, as it is necessary for their health and well-being.
10) You can then become as observant as you wish: change all spices, only use products (including coffee, tea, etc.) that have Kp on them, indicating that they are kosher for Passover. This includes milk and dairy products as well. Wegmans has the Kp butters; Trader Joe’s has had Kp milk in recent years.
11) Some people change dishes if they keep kosher and have a set just for Passover. This is the least necessary in my opinion, as you don’t eat the plates. Separating milk and meat, eating kosher or kosher cuts of meat or fish (no pork or shellfish) keeps the integrity of the holiday.
12) Even with young children, DON’T MAKE EXCUSES. For thousands of years Jewish children have kept Passover. Seven days won’t hurt them!!! Some baby foods are Kp such as all Beachnut fruits. Check the Internet to find out.
If you have questions, check with your rabbis. Gates of Mitzvah, Kosher for Passover cookbooks (including the one by our Sisterhood), talking with observant Reform Jews and reading other resources will help you make Passover real and meaningful for yourself and those around you.
13) Ask non-Jews in your household to observe with you, especially if they are parenting Jewish children. We strive to create Jewish homes, not just Jews. We are blessed to have many non-Jews raising wonderful Jewish families at great sacrifice. In the home, it is special for non-Jewish parents to be Passover role models for children. Over and over again, my students appreciate the parents who keep Passover with them.
If you decide to break Passover for a vacation, make it clear that this is a personal choice, not a Jewish choice. It is hard for us to teach Jewish standards if you are teaching an alternative such as, “We’ll do Passover next year, when we aren’t on a cruise.” There are sacrifices to being Jewish and Passover calls on all of us to do our best to make those sacrifices. If the Jews kept Passover in the concentration camps, it is hard to say that you can’t keep Passover on a vacation.
I will be around March 10thand 17thto help members with Haggadah choices and to answer Passover questions. For me, it is not about being judgmental or dogmatic. It is about “being Jewish” all the time, not just when it is convenient.
From our house to yours,
Happy Pesach!
Rabbi Amy R. Perlin, D.D.
tbsrav@aol.com